One of the ego’s tricks and why many struggle on the path to peace is they convince themselves they can “surrender” the challenging parts of their lives to “God” or the “Source”, whatever makes them feel comfortable, and continue to control what they believe is going well. This is a delusion. There is no such thing as a partial surrender. You cannot serve both “God” and the “god” you believe yourself to be.
You are in this position because you believe you can. What lies in that little space you perceive as being between you and God, that becomes your god.
There is a Spirit running through you that knows and to embrace that allows you to experience Heaven right here and now. It cannot be withheld, it does not require permission, ritual or form. It is for you and has never left you.
Take a moment, breath deeply and find your peace.